Some of us have the notion that when a man and a woman get together, it is usually the woman who may have cajoled the man into the marriage. But that is not always true, men are real people with their own needs and emotions - and often they are the ones who seek and find the woman after their heart. However, it is not often that we get a candid insight from a man who is married or about to get married.
Of course, people have different reasons they get married ranging from security and wealth to physical looks. Most often, we cover everything under the blanket of love.
I know I am a chief culprit here, lol... but I do strongly believe that a deep sense of knowing what you want and caring for one another helps any relationship, especially marriage. Still, when I read about Teju Babyface's comments on why he chose Tobi banjoko to be his wife, I was touched by his candor.
Well, I kept coming home and my house kept feeling empty. I kept leaving events and finding there was someone I would like to tell the story, but there was no one. I just kept feeling lonely. There was a space in my heart that was crying out for friendship. But may be more importantly was the fact that I started making mistakes. I started making mistakes that I had made before and I thought it was over. People I shouldn't have been fraternizing with, women. I started making all those kinds of mistakes and I wasn't getting better. There was a point in my life when I was so disciplined that for almost two years, I wasn't with any woman. And that was when the *Teju Baby Face Show* was born. And I found that thereafter, I could not seem to replicate the same discipline, no matter how I tried. So, it occurred to me that some thing had to change. So, when you put the loneliness together as well as my inability to be disciplined any more, it was instructive.I met Tobi for the first in 2008. We were holding an audition for ushers. I wanted to have a show, my 2008 show that was called *Comedy Meets Class*. So, we wanted classy ushers. And at the time she was on her last ushering leg. I can remember I walked into a room filled with about 40 hot women. And she just hooked my eyes immediately. That was the first time I met her. With each of the 39 other girls in the room that day, our eyes would meet at some point. But this one studiously ignored me. It was as if she made a declaration that our eyes weren’t going to meet. And when I actually interviewed her for the ushering job, she didn’t seem to care. She said the money was too small and she left. So, when I saw her a month later at another job, and I went to chat her up. I can never forget, she told me, ‘Excuse me, please I’m working’. What she meant was you are disturbing me, and I got the message (Laughs). And so, I started to find out more about her, and I found she was what you can call a ‘good girl’. But you see, that’s not enough. What you asked me was what made me decide? A pastor asked me that question recently. Let me use this word. When I told my father, when my father asked me, this girl you are serious about, what does she do? I said dad, she is a model. He said explain yourself. I said well, she was in the recent *Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria*. Now, when you tell parents that, they don’t think that the girl is bad. On the other hand, they form a certain world view in that sense of the word. I had always said that the woman I would marry would be one who would be very beautiful. In 2010, we were trying to date first of all and we hung out after about three months, so we didn’t date again until 2011. We tried to date in 2010, but it didn’t happen. My fault oh! In each of the time we tried to date, there was never any point in time where I had to do any convincing. In fact, on our first date, she came to my house and we needed to go and buy groceries so that we could cook together. And I remember we were walking across the street when I saw a Mercedes Benz, G-Class. And I pointed and said that’s my dream car. And this girl said, on our first date o! ‘Don’t worry, we will have it (Laughs). And I looked at her, then she blushed. And said no, no, no. That’s not what I meant. She has always been like that!
Before she came along, I was panicking; panicked as to how I would marry. Because you see, I was getting older, and there was nobody out there I wanted to marry. I really panicked. If I look at the list of everybody that I have met in the past years, they didn’t seem to be anybody that I wanted to marry. And I thought to myself that if I lived for thirty something years and I haven’t found a woman, what are the chances of me finding her next year, or in the next two or three years. And she just came along, and solved that problem. I am not marrying her because she's beautiful or because she makes me feel somehow. I am just comfortable with her. We are supposed to be married. It’s just like that.
I was seriously laughing at the point where he said he was panicking. Who says men don't get marriage fever too? I wonder if Teju Babyface told his fiancee all this? I also wonder if the guy in the post, Wanting to Wait, made himself this open to his girlfriend? Sometimes men have this wall about their emotions that make it very difficult for us women to connect and really feel them. The truth is that when men share their sensitive side more often with the woman they care for, they'll both be much more in tune and the love will be shacking the woman like wine.The final lines of the write-up are something I hear quite often, and one I experienced myself. That sense of comfort and peace that comes when you've made the right choice. I wish Teju Babyface and Tobi Banjoko a happy married life as their wedding comes up in a few weeks.
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